Ticketed Items Only
by Chris Magician
Summary: When Izzy has computer problems that actually aren't because of Windows, he turns to a helpful Digimon. But is he really a new friend, or just luring the kids into a trap?


Magician's Note: This is basically the prologue to a much longer, and much better saga __

Magician's Note: This is basically the prologue to a much longer, and much better saga. All this one is for is to get the ball rolling, and to introduce Retailmon, who is actually a pretty important character. I beg anyone interested to wade through this so you can get to the good part, okay? Thanks to everybody who encouraged me in this, especially Nikku and Scott!

************

__

"Anything you want, you got it!.

Anything you need, you got it!

Anything at all, you got it!"

--Roy Orbison—

************

Contrary to popular belief, Etemon was not dead. He had faked his grisly defeat in the Dark Network so he could pursue his one true love: meteorology. Etemon was now the Digi-World's one and only weatherman, he was happy with his job, and he showed it in his forecasts.

"Now over here," said Etemon, pointing to a small paper cloud on his map of the Digi-World, "we got this here cute 'lil thunderstorm movin' in. And when rain comes a-callin', you folks know there's only one thing to do…" The lights in the background went out for a moment, then were replaced by shining specks from a disco ball, as well as a variety of lasers. "Rain, rain, well you just go away now, come on back some other day, okay?" Etemon sang, whirling around enthusiastically. Etemon's many fans loved his antics and creative style.

Izzy, however, did not.

"All I can get is Etemon giving out weather reports, Gennai," he complained to his computer. Gennai's picture flickered on the screen. "It's total luck you and I are able to maintain our connection."

"Maybe you should just change the channel," Gennai suggested calmly.

"Very funny, but I really need your help. My laptop only has one frequency, and Etemon is jamming it. I can't access any of my files on the Digi-World's code, and I think I was onto something. Any suggestions?" Gennai's already creased brow furrowed even deeper in thought.

"Only one. Retailmon. Though I'm a little hesitant to suggest it."

"Retailmon?" Izzy asked. "I don't think we've met up with him yet. Besides, how can he help?"

"If you're lucky," Gennai said, "he may be able to give you something that will block Etemon's signal from your computer."

"Prodigious!" Izzy said, grinning. "Do you really think he'd have something like that?"

"Knowing him, yes. But make sure you have enough money."

"How much is enough?" Izzy asked, a little worried. Gennai rubbed his moustache pensively.

"If you have any coins, they'll do. And if they're shiny, they'll be even better."

"I have some coins. Where can we find him?"

"Hold on a moment," Gennai said, peering down at what Izzy assumed was his keyboard, "and I'll send you a map."

************

"I won't do it."

"Please?" Kari begged, kneeling down in front of Gatomon. "Just once?" Gatomon shook her head.

"Not a chance."

"Why not?" Kari said.

"It's demeaning, that's why!" Gatomon said indignantly.

"But it would be so cute!" Kari said, grinning at the prospect.

"It would not be cute, it would be embarrassing. Besides," Gatomon added, "I don't see you offering to do it."

"We can do it together," Kari suggested. Gatomon rolled her eyes.

"All right, all right." Kari cheered, and Gatomon quickly shouted, "But this is a one shot deal, so don't go expecting a repeat performance!"

"Okay," Kari said eagerly. Izzy walked back into the cave the Digi-Destined had started to call home just in time to see Kari and Gatomon, Gatomon with a thoroughly disgusted look on her face, performing the 'Meow Mix' theme song. He walked over to Tai, who was taking a nap.

"What are they doing?" he asked, amused but puzzled.

"Killing time. Relaxing," Tai answered carelessly, "enjoying themselves."

"I guess after that fight with Myotismon everyone deserves a break. I just wish we could take it in the real world instead of here." Tai sat up.

"I dunno, Izzy," he said, propping himself on one elbow, "I don't really mind being back in the Digi-World. Even if the colors do clash sometimes."

"I like it okay," Izzy said defensively, "but I prefer the real world." Tai shrugged and lay back down on a pillow that looked oddly familiar.

"Tai," Izzy asked, after studying the pillow and not being able to place it, "where did you find that pillow?"

"Huh?" Tai asked, looking at it out of the corner of his eye. "Oh, this. This is just Mimi's purse turned inside out. I stuffed it with leaves, so it's nice and soft. Who'd have thought it would have such a fuzzy lining on the inside?"

"Does Mimi know?"

"Nah," Tai said dismissively, "she'd kick me all over the cave if she found out. But she and Sora went out with Biyomon and Palmon a little while ago. The won't be back until later tonight."

"So I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said Mimi was staring at you right now?"

"Nope."

"Well she is."

"Sure, Izzy. Whatever you say."

"I _am_," Mimi growled from the mouth of the cave.

"Gaaahh!" Tai shouted, scrambling up. "Mimi! You're back!" He swallowed. "Um, how long have you been standing there?" Mimi smiled sweetly at him.

"Long enough." She turned to Sora. "Could you take TK and Kari outside for a little while? I think they get enough bad dreams from Myotismon without having to see this." Sora's eyes widened, and she hurried off. Izzy sighed and decided to tell Tai about Gennai's map in a few hours.

************

"I wanna cookie," TK whined.

"We don't have any cookies," Matt sighed.

"I want some hot chocolate," TK whimpered.

"We don't _have _any hot chocolate," Matt growled.

"I want--"

"TK," Matt said, turning around, "all we have is what we started out with. That, and, thanks to Izzy's little side quest, about ten million gallons of water pouring down on us." TK stopped complaining.

"We could've had a nice, warm, dry cave, but noooo…" Tai muttered to himself, "Izzy just couldn't wait to run out and find some salesman." He would have been saying this aloud, but he felt he had to maintain the 'fearless leader' image. He kicked a rock in frustration, then winced. Mimi had stomped on his foot pretty hard.

"Calm down, Matt," Izzy said from the front of the cold, wet group, "we're here."

"Where's here?" Sora asked, peering over Izzy's shoulder at the map he had gotten from Gennai.

"Here is where this Retailmon is supposed to be," Izzy said, looking around at the towering pine trees surrounding them. "But I don't see him."

"Well he'd better get here soon," Mimi grumbled, trying to hide from the rain under a low standing tree, "this storm is ruining my hair."

"I don't understand it," Izzy said, "Gennai told me he'd be right here." He pointed at the map for emphasis.

"Maybe was smart, " Matt said savagely, "and decided to sat at home out of the _rain_!"

"I trust Gennai," said Izzy. "If he says Retailmon is here, then he must be here somewhere."

"Oh yeah? Maybe we should just call for him then, huh?" Matt swung his face up toward the gray sky and oppressing pines. "Retailmon! Oh, Retailmon!" He stopped yelling and waited. Silence fell over the forest. "You see?" he cried, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Nothing! We came out in the middle of a thunderstorm for nothing!"

"I think he did hear you, actually," Mimi said quietly, looking upwards with a curious expression on her face. She had calmed down considerably after a few minutes alone with Tai, but she had a feeling her purse would never be the same.

"What?" Matt asked. "Why?"

"Because it looks like he dropped his briefcase." Everyone's eyes swung up. Sure enough, a rather expensive looking leather briefcase was falling toward them very quickly. They stared at it in fascination until it hit Matt on the forehead with a wet 'smack'. He collapsed to the muddy forest floor with a similar sound.

"What the…?" Tai asked, looking at the briefcase in astonishment. He jumped back as its gold buckles snapped apart. It sprang open and a rather human looking Digimon vaulted gracefully out of it, landing softly on the wet ground. He wore a brown suit with a red tie. Instead of hands, he had furry, catlike paws, and a pair of what appeared to be bunny slippers on his feet. His face was grotesquely contorted by the fact that his smile went literally from ear to ear. Still, he managed to put off a feeling of good humor, even if there was a trickle of smile coming from under his simple brown hat.

"Greetings and salutations, good customers!" he cried jovially. "Retailmon, at your service!"

************

Myotismon gave a frustrated snarl and smacked DemiDevimon across the room. "Imbecile!" he roared. "You're lucky I don't kill you right now!"

"I'm sorry master!" DemiDevimon wailed as he flew gracelessly into a wall. "I tried to do what you said, but no one would cooperate!"

"I don't want your excuses!" Myotismon growled, advancing his cowering lackey. " I told you…I only like _chocolate_ cake! Never vanilla!" He gave DemiDevimon a kick that sent him sprawling. "I suppose I'll have to do this myself." Feeling grateful for the clouded sky, he leapt into the air.

************

"Um, hello," Tai said, stepping forward a little nervously. "You're Retailmon?"

"That's right, you lucky dog!" Retailmon said He sounded disturbingly like a game show host. "And you're just in time!"

"For what?" Tai asked uncertainly.

"I'm having a sale!" Retailmon cried, his already huge smile widening to inhuman proportions. "The sale of the century! Prices slashed, no sales tax,everything half-off!

"Really?" Tai asked, starting to get excited. "Do you have any---"

"Back off, Tai," Mimi said, pushing him roughly aside, "I'll handle this." She looked at Retailmon. "Half-off, huh?"

"That's right, you gorgeous thing!" Retailmon's face creaked as his smile stretched even further.

"Is that everything," Mimi asked cynically, "or only ticketed items?" Retailmon's smile wavered slightly.

"Er, well, that is…" he stammered.

"Hmm. I thought so," Mimi said. She turned toward the others. "Come on guys. I'll bet we can find a better deal somewhere else." She started to walk away.

"Wait!" Retailmon cried frantically. "I, er…everything _is_ half off! That's what I meant to say! You just caught me off balance me with your stunning beauty!" Mimi turned to Joe, who was staring uncertainly at Retailmon, and winked.

"Actually," she said, "we saw a place down the road that was having a seventy-five percent off sale. Some sort of closeout thing. I think we'll be going there instead."

"My prices have just gone down drastically!" Retailmon hooted, getting back on his stride, "I've become a liquidation outlet! Everything must go!"

Mimi rolled her eyes around. "Well..." she drawled, "I guess we could look at your stuff. What have you got?"

"Today," Retailmon said, smiling again, "the sky is the limit!"

***********

Myotismon flew swiftly over the mountains. A few hundred yards behind him, DemiDevimon was panting and flapping his bat wings at an impressive rate.

"I'll have my cake, " he thought, "and I know just where to get it."

***********

"Stand back," Retailmon cried grandly, "and watch the master work his magic!" He waved his arm and his briefcase, which was still laying on the ground next to Matt, started to shake. After a moment during which it appeared to be having a seizure, it erupted several large tables onto the wet ground with a belching noise. The tables were followed closely by white linen cloths to cover them, and lastly an assortment of items varied and plentiful to make all of the Digi-Destined gasp.

"Wow," Tai breathed, "I didn't see that coming."

"Please, browse and enjoy!" Retailmon shouted happily.

"Before we start 'browsing and enjoying', do you think you could put up a tent or something?" Sora asked. "This rain is pretty cold."

"Your wish is my command!" With another gesture toward his briefcase, Retailmon conjured up an attractive red overhang above the tables. Everyone gave a sigh of relief.

"Perfect," said Sora, "thank you." Retailmon beamed, and stepped aside to let the kids examine his merchandise. After a few minutes, Izzy walked over.

"I was hoping you could help me," he said, "I had something pretty specific in mind, but I'm not really sure what it would look like."

"And what would that be, my good little buyer?" Retailmon asked, his smile stretching to unimaginable size. Izzy told him, and Retailmon nodded. "I have just the thing." He reached into his briefcase and shuffled around. After a moment, he shoved his entire arm into his briefcase. Izzy managed to hide his surprise, but couldn't help wondering how it was done. "Eureka!" Retailmon shouted, triumphantly holding up a small metal object. "I knew I had it in there somewhere." Izzy unhooked his laptop and clipped the device onto the back.

"That's just right," he said, nodding.

"Of course it is! I'm Retailmon, supplier of all your wishes!"

"Um…" Izzy said, backing away, "of course you are. How much do I owe you?"

"Oh, don't worry about that yet," Retailmon said dismissing him with a nonchalant wave, "just see if there's anything else you want, and we'll talk about money later." Izzy thanked him and walked over to Tai.

"I don't like this guy," he said quietly.

"How come?" Tai asked, examining a small box engraved with Digi-World code. "He seems nice enough."

"I know, but he said not to worry about money. Yet." Tai frowned.

"I don't get it."

"Have you ever read any fairy tales, Tai?"

"Sure. I used to read 'em to Kari back home. Why?"

"In every story where the hero gets something from a gnome or troll, they always want something in return. Like, oh, a daughter, or a firstborn child." Tai grinned.

"Don't worry. If he wants anything like that, we can just give him Mimi!"

"I heard that!" Mimi shouted. "If I were you, I wouldn't go looking for any more trouble today. Retailmon has a nice pair of boxing gloves right over there. Really _hard_ boxing gloves." Tai gave a nervous laugh and inched away.

Izzy sighed and walked toward another table. Tai set the box down and was about to follow him when something shiny on the table caught his eye. "Hey Retailmon," he called, "what's this thing?" Retailmon hurried over and looked at the object.

"Ah," he said, "now _that_ is something you Digi-Destined may be interested in." Tai jerked in surprise.

"How did you know we were the Digi-Destined?" he asked.

"I have my sources. Are you interested in this little trinket?" he asked, grinning.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so. What is it?"

"It's a little item of immense power, I'll tell you that right now."

"Okay…" Tai said, "but what does it do?"

"You'll love it," Retailmon insisted.

"Fine! But what _is_ it?"

"I call it," Retailmon said, " an Ultimate Armor attachment."

"Okay! I get the messa--" Tai halted. "Ultimate Armor?"

"That's right." Retailmon grinned. "You simply attach it to your Digivice and it will provide your Digimon's Champion form with completely impenetrable armor." Tai's eyes gleamed.

"Really?"

"Really," Retailmon assured him. "Interested?"

"Am I! I'll take it!"

"Wonderful."

"Hey, Agumon! C'mere!" Agumon hurried over, and Tai showed him the device.

"Sounds great!" he said, and seemed to be as excited as Tai was. "Let's try it out!" They walked outside the tent. Tai took a few steps back, anticipating Agumon's change in size. Under the overhang, the other kids were watching with interest.

"Ready?" Tai called.

"Ready!" Tai clipped the attachment, which looked like one of their crests cut in half and painted silver, onto his Digivice. There was a familiar whistling sound as it powered up.

"Agumon," he said, "Digivolve to…" he glowed brightly, and the evolution took over, "Greymon!"

"This is it," Tai thought excitedly.

"Greymon, Digivolve to…"

"This is gonna be so _cool_!" Tai's brain screamed.

"Pudgy Greymon!" There was an audible sound, something like pudding hitting a tile floor, and when the glow faded, an immensely overweight version of Greymon had replaced the monster. Enormous rolls of fat ballooned out from under his bony helmet, and his stomach looked something like a blimp. Tai's jaw dropped.

"Pudgy Greymon?" he asked no one in particular. "_Pudgy_ Greymon?" Greymon was staring down at himself in astonishment.

"I don't think this is right, Tai," he rumbled. Tai stared for a moment longer, then whirled around.

"Retailmon!" he screamed. "What is this?"

"I told you," Retailmon said innocently, "it would provide your Digimon with completely impenetrable armor."

"But…but…" Tai stammered.

"This armor is just _natural_ armor. You see?"

"Well…get rid of it!" Retailmon's smile wavered slightly.

"Oh dear. I forgot all about that."

"All about what?" Greymon asked, his voice muffled by his thick layer of 'armor'.

"Well," said Retailmon uncomfortably, "the change is permanent."

************

"Permanent?" Tai shrieked. "What do you mean its _permanent_?!" Retailmon cleared his throat and looked around, as if hoping to see a taxicab pull up so he could jump in.

"Well, you see, I'd rather forgotten that bit…er, the device wasn't fully…tested." Tai took a deep breath.

"Well can you take the clip off?" he asked, struggling to stay calm.

"Ah…well…"

"Think carefully before you answer," Tai advised.

"Yes!" Retailmon cried, snapping his fingers. "There is a way to take it off! All I need is the Power Reverse Detachment Device!" He dug in his briefcase and pulled out a can opener.

"Power Reverse Detachment Device?" Tai repeated.

"That's what this is! One of a kind, too. Would you like it?"

"Just take the clip off," said Tai blandly. Retailmon popped the clip off easily and handed it to Tai, who shook his head. "No thanks. You can keep it."

"Definitely," agreed Agumon, who was back to his normal waistline.

"Take it as an apology, for my selling a potentially faulty item," Retailmon offered. Tai shrugged and put it in his briefcase.

"If you think I'm ever using that again…" Agumon warned, but Tai assured him they wouldn't.

"Do you have anything good?" Sora asked, walking up. "I really liked the idea of armor." Retailmon grinned.

"I have something even better," he said.

"Uh oh," Izzy thought. Retailmon brought a clip much like the 'Ultimate Armor' clip from his briefcase, except gold.

"It doesn't have a name," he said, "but I think you may be interested."

"Before you go any further," interrupted Tai, "is _this one_ fully tested?"

"Totally," Retailmon said, nodding.

"Okay, what does it do?" Sora asked.

"It will allow your Digimon," said Retailmon, smiling widely, "to Digivolve _past_ their ultimate level."

"Past?" Sora asked.

"Past?" Tai asked.

"Uh oh," thought Izzy again.

"That's right," said Retailmon, "would you care to give it a try?"

************

Myotismon was getting tired of looking.

"I know that fool is here somewhere," he thought, scanning the forest, "and I'll find him."

************

"I don't know about this, Sora," Biyomon said nervously.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Sora said, kneeling down beside her.

"I'll try it," Agumon said, walking forward.

"Even after the whole 'Pudgy Greymon' thing?" Sora asked, incredulous.

"Sure. Why not give it a shot? Besides, if it doesn't work, we can always use the can opener."

"Power Reverse Detachment Device," Retailmon corrected.

"Whatever," said Tai. "You don't have to either, Agumon," he said, turning to his Digimon.

"But I want to. I'd love to see what my next level is."

"Keep in mind," Retailmon said quickly, "that this is a _forced_ evolution. They may be able to reach another level on their own, or by some other means. I'm really not an expert on that sort of thing."

"Still want to do it?" Tai asked, and Agumon nodded. Tai took the clip from Retailmon, whose smile had stretched back to its original proportions. "Here we go," he said. He took a deep breath and snapped the clip onto his Digivice. Agumon quickly went to Greymon. Then Tai's crest glowed, and he went the next level.

Over by the tent, Joe stared up at MetalGreymon, and thought, "_If he hits Pudgy MetalGreymon, it's not going to be pretty…"_

MetalGreymon started glowing again. But instead of a continuous glow, like an evolution usually provided, this one faded quickly. He looked around in confusion.

"Retailmon?" he said. "I don't think it worked."

"Just wait," Retailmon said, shaking with anticipation. They waited. Tai sighed.

"I don't think anything is going--" He stopped talking abruptly as the ground started to shake. MetalGreymon's mouth dropped open just as a gigantic pillar of what appeared to be hot mercury erupted from the ground beneath him.

"No!" Tai gasped. "MetalGreymon!" The mercury spiraled into a shimmering tornado, then reformed into a perfect sphere, shining veins moving rhythmically across its surface.

"Wow…" Izzy breathed. He turned to Tai and was about to say something else when the ball exploded in a cacophony of light and noise. Everyone, including Retailmon, instinctively ducked for cover, but it didn't help. An enormous shock wave hit them and sent all of them flying back about twenty feet. Joe landed in a

mud puddle and Mimi was suspended in one of the pine trees. All the others just hit the ground. Hard.

From somewhere above them, the kids heard a deafening, "MetalGreymon, Digivolve to…_Ultimate_ MetalGreymon!"

When Tai got to his feet, he immediately looked for Greymon, but all he saw was a huge piece of metal, about the size of two average school buses , in front of him. It was a moment before he realized that the metal _was_ Greymon; or rather, one of his feet. Tai looked upward and saw, towering even about the gigantic pine trees, an enormous version of MetalGreymon, covered from head to toe with glittering machinery. There were a few patches where his orange hide showed through, but he seemed to be the complete opposite of his ultimate form; a metallic monster with organic armor, instead of the reverse.

"MetalGreymon!" Tai shouted at the top of his lungs. "Down here!" There was no response from the monster. "MetalGreymon!" Tai repeated, screaming this time. After a second round of silence, he looked over to Retailmon, who was clambering to his feet. "Do you have a megaphone?"

"Of course," Retailmon said, digging in his briefcase. He pulled one out and handed it to Tai. He shouted again, and this time he was heard. MetalGreymon's massive head slowly came down toward them, until his nose was almost touching the ground. Tai realized, a little nervously, that he could easily be sniffed up one of the two huge nostrils before him.

"Tai!" Greymon said. "I think it worked!" He paused, and looked at Tai's face, which seemed to be contorted with pain. "What's wrong?"

"You need to keep your voice down, buddy," Tai said, wincing and holding his hands over his ringing ears. "You're a lot bigger now."

"Sorry," Greymon whispered, his breath rustling the trees surrounding them.

"It _worked_!" Retailmon said in amazement.

************

All at once, Myotismon knew where to go. Over the sea of dark trees, he could clearly see the head of what he was sure was one of the Digi-Destined's monsters.

************

"Perfectly!" Retailmon added as Ultimate MetalGreymon's eye rotated toward him. "Just like I knew it would. All along. Because, as I said, it was fully tested. And I would never lie to my valued customers." Greymon low out a low growl that shook Mimi out of her tree. Retailmon swallowed. "Ah…would you care for a free complementary beverage?" Greymon eyed him for a moment longer, then looked back to Tai.

"We're gonna keep this thing, right? The clip, I mean."

"Oh yeah," Tai said with a huge 'more power' grin. "I'm almost looking forward to seeing Myotismon again."

"Your wish," Myotismon said, descending slowly from the clouded sky, "is my command." Tai choked on nothing and stumbled backwards. Ultimate MetalGreymon let out an ear shattering roar and rose back to his full height.

"My lord!" Retailmon cried, throwing himself in the cold mud near Myotismon's boots.

"Your _what_?" Izzy shouted. Tentomon had already Digivolved and was standing behind his partner, a ball of electricity crackling between his four arms.

"You heard him correctly," Myotismon said, "this worm is my servant, as are most Digimon on this continent."

"Just like me!" put in DemiDevimon.

"Hey," Tai said, frowning, "wait a sec. I thought you two were dead!"

"Don't be stupid," Myotismon said with a scornful laugh, "no one ever dies on Fox."

"Except me," Dinobot grumbled.

"Shut up," said Tai, "you're not even in this story."

"As you can clearly see," Retailmon cut in, "I have the Digi-Destined all wrapped and ready for you."

"Yes," said Myotismon, "and I can also see you sold them one of the Ultimate Digivolution clips."

"Is _that_ what you've named them?" Retailmon asked nervously. "Well, sir, I think that's just a fabulous title. And they stole it. I haven't sold them a thing. I certainly don't have any money from them."

"You lying little creep!" shouted Matt, who had finally regained consciousness. "When I get through with you, any profit you make will have to go toward your hospital bills!"

"That was the perfect and total truth," Retailmon said smugly, "you have several of my goods, and what do I have to show for it? Not a digital penny."

"Enough!" Myotismon roared. "I'm here for three things, Retailmon. I think you know what the first is."

"Of course, my lord!" Retailmon shuffled in his briefcase and pulled out a slab of chocolate cake. "Devil's food, your favorite."

"Excellent." The kids watched in fascination as Myotismon crammed the entire piece of cake into his mouth at once, swallowed without chewing, and let out an enormous belch. He let out a contented sigh, and turned back to his servant. "The second? Is it ready?" Retailmon smiled.

"I've just finished it." He pulled out a small black object from his briefcase and handed it to Myotismon. Tai strained to see what it was, but the clouds combined with the swiftly falling night made it nearly impossible. He might have remained clueless if not for Izzy.

"Tai!" he shouted. "Get back! That's a Digivice!"

"Quite right, my little friend," Myotismon said, smiling darkly, "and it is patterned exactly after yours. The only exception is that _I_ won't need a human partner to Digivolve."

************

Retailmon was being pulled two ways. On the left was Myotismon. He had no actual loyalty for the vampire, but was terrified of him. He had one secret weapon, but there was no proof it would work.

On the right were the Digi-Destined, whom he actually liked. Not only were they opposing the forces of evil, but they were very good customers. Now, he had to decide where his allegiances would lie.

************

"MetalGreymon, get him!" Tai shouted into the megaphone. Myotismon soared up to eye level with the monster, which proved to be a huge mistake, as he had just discovered his newest attack.

"_Titanium Supernova!_" Greymon roared. Tai expected him to simply blow a fireball as he usually did, but this was quite different. Greymon's entire head seemed to open up and reform, becoming one gigantic cannon. The barrel of the cannon glowed brightly for a moment, and proceeded to launch what was seemingly a small white sun at Myotismon. Myotismon's expression was, for the split second that the flaming ball hurtled toward him, priceless. Then he caught a hold of himself.

"_Crimson Lightning!_" His attack sprang from his arms and wrapped itself around Greymon's, tossing it harmlessly off into the horizon. "Pathetic," he sneered. Then, from somewhere in the distance, there was a bright flash. Myotismon turned just in time for the shock wave from the exploding sun to hit him, burning a horizontal line across his chest. He stared at it in astonishment, and wondered if he may have finally met his match.

************

"Did you see that?" Tai crowed. "Didja? Hah! That was great! We're actually going to win this one!"

"Don't count on that," Izzy said.

"Why?" Tai asked, his enthusiasm quickly dying.

"Myotismon still has the black Digivice." Tai swallowed.

"Oh. I forgot about that." He looked around helplessly for a moment, then spotted Retailmon. He was staring at the ground, his smile completely gone. Tai dashed over to him. "From the look on your face," Tai said, "I'd think you weren't having a good time." Retailmon gave a guilty sigh.

"I don't _like_ helping Myotismon…it's just that…well…I'm a salesman! I'm not a fighter!"

"Well we are!" Tai shouted, grabbing Retailmon by the shoulders. "So now's your chance! If you want to make up for whatever bad stuff you've done for Myotismon , now's your chance!"

"But how can _I_ help?" Retailmon asked.

"You got Greymon to that level," Tai said, waving his arm toward the spot where he guessed Greymon's head was, "do it with another one of our Digimon!" Retailmon looked thoughtfully at the ground, then up at Tai. His old smile instantly reappeared.

"All right! I'll do it!" He grabbed his briefcase and pulled another clip from it. "But be careful with this! There are only three in existence. One is on your Digivice, and this is the second."

"Where's the third?" Tai asked, already pretty sure he knew.

"Myotismon."

************

"Okay, Greymon's gonna need some help," Tai said to the other kids, who had gathered under the tent. "Retailmon isn't sure how long these clips work for, but we have one more. Who's going to use it?"

"Gabumon can do it," Matt said, standing up.

"Me?" Gabumon asked in a squeaky voice.

"You stood up to Myotismon better than anyone back in the real world," said Matt, "and you were only WereGarurumon then. I know you can do it." Gabumon nodded firmly, bolstered by Matt's faith. Tai handed him the clip, and they dashed outside. "Let's do it!" Matt shouted, and attached the clip. Gabumon went to Garurumon, then to WereGarurumon. "One more time!" he cried. WereGarurumon flashed brightly, as if he were covered with something much more reflective than fur.

"This is going to be big," Joe mumbled, expecting an explosion like the one accompanying Greymon's. However, this one began fairly subtly. The clouds overhead split for the first time in hours, revealing a stunningly bright full moon. It shone down on WereGarurumon like a spotlight, and the subtle part ended. The sky flashed and bolts of blue-white lightning struck the ground around the monster, leaving a sort of moat encircling him. The moonbeam seemed to become tangible, and filled the moat like liquid light. It bubbled and churned for a moment, then fired upward, a gleaming pillar of pure luminescence. WereGarurumon slowly emerged, looking completely transformed. His white fur had changed to a sparkling gold, and the purple stripes to metallic blue. His muzzle had shortened considerably, but his teeth had grown all the sharper for it. Silvery knight-like armor, a helmet included, covered his shoulders, wrists, waist, and lower legs.

"WereGarurumon," he growled in a much deeper voice, "Digivolve to…_Ultimate _WereGarurumon!" He threw his head back and raised his arms (Matt realized with some surprise that he now had four) toward the sky and howled at the moon that had given him life.

************

For all his new armor and weaponry, MetalGreymon wasn't doing very well. He had started off all right, but the fight had gone drastically downhill after his second cannon blast.

"_Grisly_ _Wing!_" Myotismon shouted, hurling his cape back. Razor-winged bats sprang forth from nothingness, slicing deep gashes in MetalGreymon's thick armor. He stumbled backwards with a roar of pain and frustration. 

Meanwhile, the Digi-Destined had found a ridge safely out of the way of stomping metal feet.

"Where is he?" Tai asked, peering through his telescope. The lens had gotten scratched up over time, but it still worked well enough. "He should be attacking by now."

"He'll be there," Matt said confidently. "He's just waiting for the right moment."

"It had better be soon," Tai said worriedly, "Greymon's getting his butt kicked." As if to emphasize the point, Myotismon used his Crimson Lightning to pick Greymon up and smash him into the ground a few times, effectively flattening a good portion of the woods.

"There he is!" Sora shouted, pointing. It was hard to see, but there was a definite outline of Ultimate WereGarurumon's armor against the backdrop of night.

"Now we'll see some _real_ action," Matt said with a grin.

************

Thoroughly enjoying himself, Myotismon took a few more swipes at the downed tyrant with his lightning. The monster thrashed about satisfyingly, then rolled over with a groan.

"Please," Myotismon scoffed, "surely you can do better than this. I'm getting bored." Greymon groaned again. "Ah well," said the vampire with a sigh, "I suppose I'll just kill you then. But," and he smiled darkly, "not too quickly. I have that hole you drilled in me to pay you back for, after all. _Nightmare Cal—_gaaaahh!" His attack turned into a strangled cry of pain as Ultimate WereGarurumon slashed his side with a long, curved sword. He wiped Myotismon's blackish blood off its crystalline blade, then took a fighting stance. Although considerably smaller than Greymon, he was still huge; almost two hundred feet tall.

"Good timing," Greymon said, clambering up. "_Titanium Supernova!_" His head rotated and fired again, throwing him back slightly with the recoil. Myotismon caught the blast with one hand and tossed it away, while holding his bleeding side with the other.

"Crimson…Lightning," he gasped, and lashed out.

"That hit him good," Tai said, watching from the ridge. "I think he's really hurt."

"Let me see!" Matt cried, snatching the telescope away and looking intently through its battered lens. "All right! Go get him! Go…" His cheers wavered.

"What's wrong?" Tai asked. Matt looked over, a panicked expression on his face.

"He's not holding his side anymore. I think that cut already healed!"

"No way!" Tai grabbed the scope back and looked to the battle. "I don't believe it! You're right! This is impossible!" He paused. "Wait! Wait a minute! They're coming back, and stronger then ever!"

"_Nega-Beam!_" Greymon shouted, firing huge bolts of white energy from a gattling gun that emerged from his chest. Every blast hit its mark and sent Myotismon reeling. Garurumon took the opening and leapt forward.

"_Lightning Wolfsbane!_" Silvery claws slid out from his wrist armor and sparked as they sliced across Myotismon's entire torso; four arms at once were hard to dodge. Myotismon reeled, blood running down his sides in black rivulets.

"No!" he gasped. "I can't! I won't lose!" His voice rose to a shrill yell, then to a whistling sound.

"Wait," Izzy thought with alarm, "that's not his voice, that's the Digivice!" Purplish-black light swirled up from the Digivice and around Myotismon. His cape seemed to become more solid, and spread out behind him like a fan. His nose bulged out like something from a surrealist painting. His arms, legs, and torso strained against the cloth holding them as thickly layered muscle grew at an unreal pace. His fangs elongated until they were almost tusks, and his nails became twisted claws. His clothing tore open, revealing shaggy, blackish fur underneath. His eyes had become a glittering green, and his face was that of a bat's. With one final burst of dark energy, the Digivice completed his transformation.

"Myotismon," he snarled in a husky voice, "Digivolve to…_Kyoptramon!_" He spread his wings, which had previously been his cape, out behind him and grew to about fifty times his original size.

"Kyoptra?" Izzy muttered, sure he had heard it somewhere before. "Kyoptra…Ky…_Chiroptera…_" He looked at Sora, who was staring questioningly at him. "Chiroptera," he explained, "is the scientific name for bats."

"_Bat_-mon?" Sora asked, and rolled her eyes. "Man, you'd think we were on Fox instead of in a fanfic." Garurumon took another slash at the newly evolved Myotismon, but he dodged with unreal speed.

"Ha!" Kyoptramon rasped, half-flying away from the blades, "You won't hit me with those toothpicks!"

"_Nega-Beam!_" Greymon shouted again, firing more energy. Kyoptramon slipped away from the blast smoothly, and came back with a strong backhand across Greymon's snout. Garurumon had jumped up from behind, but Kyoptramon's huge bat like ears caught the sound. He whirled around and smashed the wolf into the few remaining trees.

"Now," he screeched, "I'll show you a real attack! _Satanic Death Scythe!_"

"We are _definitely _not on Fox," Sora murmured. Black light appeared in his hand and formed into a gleaming scythe. He swung it swiftly downward toward the two Digimon. From the cliff, all Tai could make out was two brief showers of sparks somewhere on the battlefield.

"What just happened?" he asked Joe, who was taking a turn with the telescope.

"I think Myotismon just hit them with some new attack," he muttered, straining to see better. "Um…yeah. He hit 'em."

"How bad?" Matt asked nervously.

"Pretty bad. It looks like one of Garurumon's shoulder pads is pretty much gone, and Greymon has a big chunk of armor missing from his side."

"Wait a second," said Mimi, frowning, "why don't they jus Warp-Digivolve?" There was a long moment of silence.

"There's a very logical reason," said Izzy quickly. "And I'm positive that it's _not_ that this story was written before that happened."

"Actually it is," said Matt.

"Then I guess we have a good excuse," said Izzy. "Back to the battle!"  


"There has _got_ to be something we can do to help them!" said Tai frantically. He swung around quickly. "Retailmon! Do you have anything else? Anything at all?" Retailmon shook his head.

"Nothing I feel safe about using." His smile had vanished again, and his face was grave.

"What about something you feel _unsafe_ about using? Anything will work if it'll help them!" Retailmon rolled his head around, as if trying to come to a decision.

Finally, he admitted, "I have one thing that might work. I'd been saving it in case of an emergency, because it isn't even close to fully tested."

"What is it?" Matt asked, running over. Retailmon took something from his ever-present briefcase. In the dim light, Tai could just barely make out what it looked like: two slots, each about the shape of a Digivice except thicker, connected by a thick, segmented cable.

"How does it work?" Matt asked, grabbing it away.

"You plug a Digivice into either of the slots, and the rest is automatic. But I'm a little reluctant about using it," he added.

"Why?" asked Joe.

"Well," said Retailmon, rolling his head around again, "it will either cause the Digimon to become more powerful than ever, or…" he hesitated.

"Or what?" Tai asked impatiently.

"…Or it will cause them to explode rather messily." Tai looked at the device, then over his shoulder to the battlefield.

"We don't have any choice. If we don't do it, Kyoptramon will kill them anyway." He looked to Matt. "Ready?" Matt nodded firmly. Tai pushed his Digivice into one slot, and Matt put his in the other.

"You're not gonna hold my hand again, are you?" Tai asked with a grin.

"No way. I'm over you, man," Matt said, also grinning. A thick antennae emerged from the center of the cable and began flashing and making a whistling sound.

"If this works," Retailmon thought, "I'm going to be rich."

************

"And now," screeched Kyoptramon gleefully, "the finishing touch! _Flames of Hell!_" The ground under Ultimate MetalGreymon and WereGarurumon fell inward, forming a bowl shape. A ring of fire sprang up around the crater, and the ground inside it started to steam.

"I think he's gonna melt us," WereGarurumon said dully.

"Not much we can do about it. I can't even move," said Greymon. The ground got hotter and hotter. "I guess this is it."

"I guess." They were quiet for a moment as the crater started to turn to lava. "Greymon?" Garurumon asked, looking at his one remaining paw.

"Yeah?"

"When you die, do you start glowing?"

"What?" Greymon looked at his dented Geisha Destroyer. "I don't think so. But I don't feel quite so beat up anymore, do you?"

"No…" Garurumon leapt to his feet. "Something's happening!" Greymon was getting up as well.

"You're right. But what is it?"

"I don't know, but I have a feeling we're about to find out."

************

"It's working!" Joe said excitedly. "They're both glowing!"

"I _am_ going to be rich!" Retailmon shouted.

************

"Ultimate MetalGreymon, Digi-Merge with…"

"Ultimate WereGarurumon!" The auras surrounding the two Digimon glowed intensely, then became a single, pulsing light.

"Digivolve to…" The light dimmed a little, but the shape inside it grew taller, and slowly stepped out. Greymon and Garurumon had been replaced by a whole new monster, but it also seemed to be both of them at the same time. Garurumon's armor was still present, but had grown and now closely resembled WarGreymon's. The creature had four arms, all of which were Geisha Destroyers. The rest was a fantastic fusion of the colors and features of the two Digimon, resulting in an undisputed sense of awe. "…Lycanthromon!"

"Oh…," said Kyoptramon, "...no." Lycanthromon's golden eyes turned toward the bat.

"Payback time," he rumbled. His voice sounded like both Greymon and Garurumon speaking at the same time, with an underlying mechanical ripple. He leapt into the air, jets lighting up on his back. Wings unfolded from the armor covering his body, and he soared into the sky. "_Scimitar Eclipse!_" he roared. The claws on his arms shot out a good fifteen feet, becoming long and wickedly curved. A slot on each of his arms opened and spewed out blue energy. Lycanthromon hurtled down and swung all four arms at once. Smoking gashes appeared down the length of Kyoptramon's body. One arm fell smoldering to the ground and he stumbled back into the lava pit he had intended for the Digi-Destined.

"_I'm not done yet!_"Kyoptramon screamed, sinking slowly down. He pulled something from his matted fur and slammed it onto his Digivice. Again, whistling filled the air, and he rocketed up in size. Two more wings sprouted from his shoulder blades, and bony spikes grew from his knees and elbows. His lost arm quickly regenerated, and his own armor suddenly appeared. Ultimate Kyoptramon stepped out of the crater, laughing evilly.

"I don't believe this!" Tai yelped. "Every time we start to win, he Digivolves again!"

"That's it. We're doomed," said Joe cheerfully. He dropped the telescope and leaned back on the rocks, whistling.

"Don't snap now, Joe," Gomamon cried, leaping onto his chest. Joe sighed.

"I just don't see what else there is to do," he said helplessly. "We know none of our Digimon can stand up to him, and I don't know if Lycanthromon can either."

"He may not have to," said Retailmon thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" Matt asked.

"I have a plan." He looked over to Patamon. "Come here, flying rodent thing." Patamon 'humphed' indignantly, but fluttered over. Retailmon whispered to him for a moment. Patamon's eyes lit up, and he nodded eagerly. "Good," Retailmon said. His smile sprang back to life as he handed something to Patamon. He flew off the cliff toward the battle, which was heating up even more, due to the fact that Lycanthromon was trying to force Kyoptramon's head into the lava pit.

"What are you doing?" TK cried. "He'll get smushed!"

"It will be all right," Retailmon assured him. "Just watch." They watched. Patamon disappeared as he got closer to the two behemoths, dwarfed by their shadows and the dark night. Then, all at once, Kyoptramon stopped moving. His mouth fell open in astonishment.

"What…is…happening…to…gaa!" His voiced cracked as literally waves of blubber exploded from his stomach. His wings vanished in the avalanche of fat, and he lolled on the ground, a helpless blimp. Patamon landed back on the cliff, glowing with the pride of a job well done.

"The Ultimate Armor attachment," Tai said, staring at Kyoptramon in disbelief. "You had Patamon put it on his Digivice, didn't you?" Retailmon nodded proudly.

"Yes, that was pretty good thinking, wasn't it?" he asked.

"Help…somebody help me…" Kyoptramon called in a squeaky voice. His monumental bulk covered almost a mile of forest. Needless to say, he was quite incapacitated. As they watched, he tried to roll himself onto his feet, but only succeeded in falling head over heels. As the final result, he looked something like a very fuzzy mountain.

"I'll save you master!" DemiDevimon cried, swooping toward the Digivice."

"Not so fast," Retailmon muttered. He pulled a white rifle like object from his briefcase and launched DemiDevimon into the distance with a laser blast. He looked around at the Digi-Destined's incredulous stares. "What? I never said I was _always_ a salesman." He put the rifle away, stood up, and brushed himself off. "Now, about payment…"

"I knew this would come up sooner or later," Izzy thought.

"…I have a contract here that I think will suit all of us nicely."

"Contract?" Izzy asked. Retailmon nodded.

"Yes. In addition to a salesman, I am also an inventor. That's where I get most of my best merchandise."

"Go on," said Tai warily.

"Well," Retailmon continued, unrolling a piece of paper, "I am prepared to give you children and Digimon unlimited access to any of my products, under one condition."

"What?" asked Izzy.

"When I invent something new, such as the Ultimate Armor attachments, for example, I want you to test it for me." He looked expectantly around.

"Test it?" Tai asked.

"Yes," said Retailmon, "you know, give it a field run. A maiden voyage. A first flight. A--"

"We get the message," said Izzy. Agumon and Gabumon clambered up onto the cliff behind him and collapsed from exhaustion. "What do you think, Tai?"

"I think it's a pretty good idea, as long as you never invent anything with 'Ultimate Armor' in the name," said Tai.

"It's a deal!" Retailmon said, slapping the contract and a pen down on a rock. "Sign here." Tai signed the paper and handed the pen back. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with a partner I simply can't delay. Thank you for everything, and if you ever need to contact me," his smile widened, "just give a holler!" He hopped into his briefcase, which snapped shut, gave a quick bounce, and vanished into the night sky. The kids stood around for a moment.

"So…now what?" asked Mimi.

"Let's go watch and watch 'Monster Rancher' back at Jennai's house," said Matt.


End file.
